Thanks to some sweet smelling mates, the tide has turned & returned & is washing away a nasty smell.
I got pulled into a website & ignored my intuition which was dancing round madly trying to get my attention, as a result it resorted to a kick in the solar plexus which caused me to unplug quick smart.
I am reminded that I do not like being disconnected from my intuition and that it works moment by moment. No one out there has 'the answers' & a suggested reply to those that say they do is BOLLOCKS (or the word of your choice because I certainly don't have the answers). Actually that brings up the topic of answers, an idea we accept so readily - so trained are we to get the 'right answer' & 'the gold star'.
Some time ago I went through a bit of a rough patch, I knew it was my head that was buggered & I was terrified of following in my parents footsteps of nervous breakdowns (whatever they are) & years of depression & tranquillisers, so I turned to my son for advice. At the time he was probably about 10, the perfect age for giving advice. In order not to lean on him, a terrible thing that parents often do surreptitiously do to their children, we came to an agreement whereby I paid him generously for his opinions. This meant I learned quick smart. I asked him questions about how he saw the world. Many times I posed questions that he did not understand, not because he was too young but because he did not think the way I & the rest of us 'adults' have been trained. He could not grasp the concept of 'mind & body' and repeatedly told me that he was just himself. Another concept he found intolerable was the idea of ' having something to look forward to'. I had been in the habit of drawing things out to make them last longer, believing that good things don't come along very often, so build up the momentum for as long as possible. He explained that if you do that then you stop all the good things that are behind that from coming in - I have never forgotten this & believe it is great wisdom (this particular bad habit I think, applies to women more than men who seem to be able to go after what they want with more ease.)
Over a couple of weeks I came to my senses - it was interesting because I would have been close to the age when my mother first took a very deep nose dive into depression. I wonder how much our links with others in our lives direct our path when we do not pay attention.
My son is not a mercenary & offered to help for free but that did not feel right. I believe it was he who opened this channel for healing a year or two prior to that when he told me about a traumatic problem he was having with someone who I thought was his friend. This child had had a hold over him for a few years & was psychologically torturing him & I hadn't known. When he finally told me, he said he had wanted to tell me for ages but was unable to - it is very easy to forget the intense world that children live in & how they work things out.
I dealt with the issue as best I could talking to the boy's mother & my son's teacher & thought that it was resolved, but it was not. So I left the choice in my boy's hands & told him I would end it if he chose - he was very upset, but I knew that for this to never happen again it had to be his choice. We made up a signal for when I picked the two of them up from school - if my son said this boy should sit in the back seat that meant that I should go ahead & tell this child that he could no longer be friends with my son. I did not think at that time that my son would be able to do this, but he did. In standing up for my child I believe that I healed a number of things from my own childhood & perhaps reached back into my family history & put some things right.
I'm not sure how I got here from psychopoo but it seemed right at the time. I guess I just wanted to say that we don't have to stand in crap or for it. I am immensely grateful to my friends who gave their kindly advice & took the piss out of me to get my feet back onto the ground again - always reach for friends when you need them, do everything you can to take care of yourself, say bollocks often & have a bloody good laugh whenever you can.
