Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A change of outfit

Sometimes a kick in the ass sets you off in a new direction.

A couple of days after I typed my last article I went back to read an article Matthew Delooze had posted. It was quite a strongly worded little post & included the butt kicking paragraph;

"Maybe we should also open our eyes and look at ourselves, the sheep, the sad punters on the forums and the sad anonymous bloggers, which are currently and continually trapped in a comical loop simply seeking a messiah or a bit more info on this, that and the other. Are we becoming nothing more but a herd of suicidal Lemmings running from one website to another or from one book/DVD to another whilst pathetically thinking our destiny is sorted if we subscribe to a guru or a stable of speakers at a conference to tell us what to do, the climax being when we all jump of the same cliff."

The rest of it's here

Anyway my butt hurt after that. I've been blogging (anonymously) for over a year now. I write because I love it & because I would like to be a part of shuffling off this goddamn awful mortal hamster-coil that masquerades as living & to find out what real living is all about.

Way back when I joined blogger, I was unsure at first even about commenting, but step by step I got 'braver', felt the drive to say or do more. I took the name wise woman for a number of reasons - it had been coming up in my life for a while & I'd used it as a fun password at one time. I originally had some reservations about using that name as I figured it might sound rather pretentious. But there was a gut feeling that told me that the name was mine to use, so I took it.

It's a funny thing, but in my life some of the most important things have come about via jokes. My son's name was one of them. His name started out as a joke & then somewhere along the way, an intensity took over that would allow for no other name.

So it was like that with wise woman - you see it was a joke. A joke between my brother & me. We were both fans of the English TV series Blackadder & would often quote lines from it to each other (we still do). There was one particularly memorable episode where my brother's name is mentioned & it became a kind of piss-take between us. The Wise Woman also appeared in that episode. Blackadder seeks her help when he finds himself attracted to his manservant (actually a woman in disguise).

Blackadder: No, no. No, it’s far worse than that. I’m in love with my manservant.

Wise Woman: I’d sleep with him if I were you. When I fancy anyone I sleep with them. Oh I have to drug them first of course, being so old and warty.

It's ok I'm having treatment for the warts.

Anyway, this has been wise woman's claim to fame. It was a name that allowed me to feel free enough to launch myself into speaking up in a way that I thought was not possible for me. I have drawn great strength from that name - somehow it allowed me to be more than I thought I could be.

However Matt's words made me think again. They are timely words. They needed to be spoken. It is easy to go so far & then stop.

But surely we came here to do more.

I don't know if 2012 is anything or nothing, but the control factor that's at work in this world certainly seems to be reaching a frenzy. It is perhaps necessary to re-look at what we are working to achieve. As spiritual as we might like to be we are also thoroughly physical - somehow a balance between the two seems vital. This world is not something apart from us - the air that is outside is also inside of us & constantly moving back & forth - we are a part of all this or we are asleep.

So I've decided to become un-anonymous, however my aim is to integrate wise woman into the fabric of my life & not have her simply as an alter ego who comes out at that computer. I have no answers at all, but I do know I reject this recycling hamster wheel & I call on the return of life.

Much thanks to my friend Michael from Hidden Agendas who played around with my title & created this new look.

Best to you all